On Seeing Someone You Love Suffer
I've mentioned on here before that My Uncle Steve was recently diagnosed with Stage 4 Lung Cancer. News that was heartbreaking to hear. It was like being punched in the stomach when I heard and especially with Creag's Aunt fighting the same disease. You never, ever want to see someone in your family get sick, suffer and eventually die from such a horrible disease. It's heart breaking. He is not married and doesn't have any children, so I worried about him being alone through all of this. Sure he has my Dad and my Grandpa, but is that the same as having a spouse or children who will take care of you? I wanted him to have that. My husband is my rock & I just couldn't imagine being diagnosed with something like Stage 4 Cancer and going home alone. My heart broke for him. I wished that there was someone there to take care of him, like I knew Creag would be there for me or vise versa.
In the beginning, we weren't told much, just that he had a tumor on his lungs & one on his spine. The Dr. said that he was surprised that he was even walking and that if the tumor on his spine grew any larger that he would eventually become paralyzed. He started Radiation on the tumor on his spine. He was on the fence about doing Chemo, because he knew that he didn't have too much time anyway and the time that he did have left, he wanted to enjoy it & not be sick. We were all together back in April to celebrate my Grandpa's Birthday & Steve was there. He still looked the same, but seemed down. He didn't talk about the cancer at all. He didn't want to & I didn't pry. He still laughed & cut up with the kids. He seemed himself, but we all knew what was ahead of us. That he wouldn't be with us for much longer. The drive home was a somber one. The kids had a lot of questions. They are really scared by all of this and it's not something that you should have to explain to children. My kids love their Uncle Steve and don't understand what's going on.
A few weeks ago, right after he had decided that he would give Chemo a try to see how it made him feel, he suddenly had not 1 stroke, but 4 while he was home by himself. His friend had called him, and could tell by the sound of Steve's voice on the other end that something was wrong. He went over to his house & took him straight to the hospital. We visited with him recently and he is no longer himself. He's talking, but confused. He was playing on the kids I Pad and I had to teach him how to do certain things. He was very curious about everything, almost like a child. He knew every ones name, but I know he will never be the same. He'll never stand up and stretch after filling his big ol belly with way too much food & rub it. I'll never hear his contagious laugh over something funny. Or see him come into the house with a "Who Dey". I'll never get a card from him again, signed in his beautiful handwriting or get one of his thoughtful gifts at Christmas. I'll never hear him & my Dad argue over Football or Politics. And my Dad will not have his only brother. His Big Brother. I can only hope that my kids are old enough that they'll remember their Uncle Steve.
He was moved to Hospice last weekend and we're going to visit him tonight. He is not going to do the Rehabilitation Therapy that we had thought. And he will not have the chance to do Chemotherapy. Maybe the strokes were a blessing in disguise to help him throughout his cancer. No one will ever know. We can just pray that he will not suffer too much and that we can always remember the good times that we shared.
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